Chapter Three Has Arrived

Thursday, June Ninth

Another day, and time for another attempt to retrieve the statue from Trader Zim’s.  Alex hoped that Zim had forgotten him and would be more cooperative today. 

He’d just rolled to a stop in front of Trader Zim’s, and shut off the Mustang.  It was two in the afternoon, and time to go find out.

The sign hanging from the door today said “Totally Open.”

Alex walked into the shop, wondering what to expect.  He was amazed that the shop looked completely different.  It was hard to say if that was because the stock had actually changed, or if it was because there was just so much stuff in there that it was impossible to remember all of it.

There hadn’t been any other cars in the parking area outside, so Alex was surprised to hear conversation coming from somewhere in the building.  At the moment, Zim himself was nowhere to be seen.

Alex picked his way through the piles of antiques and random junk, working his way back to where it seemed he had seen the statue the day before.  Even though it had only been twenty four hours since he’d been in, the place seemed bigger in his memory than it was in real life.

In a side room, Alex spotted the statue, just where it had been the day before.  He made his way over to look at it, stepping over and around various things that seemed to have more than their share of dirt and rust on them, and tried to recall when he’d last gotten a tetanus booster.  He made a mental note to be sure he got one the next time he went to see his physician.

The statue didn’t seem to have a price tag on it.  He looked around at several of the other items around him and noted that nothing had been priced.  He wondered if Trader Zim priced his wares according to how much he thought the customer who wanted it could spend.  Alex hoped that Zim hadn’t seen the Mustang, if that were the case.  He’d had to search for clothes again that morning, so he figured he probably didn’t look particularly well off.

Alex heard footsteps and a voice getting closer, and a moment later Trader Zim appeared, talking on what looked like a very old cordless phone. 

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure I have some of those,” Trader Zim said.  He noticed Alex, nodded to him and then said, “No, I could use some of those.  Right.  Well, why don’t you bring all of it over, and we’ll see if we can make some kind of deal.  Yeah.  OK, bye.”

He pushed a button on the phone, and set it down on a nearby stack of ornamental tin boxes. Trader Zim looked at Alex again, and said, “Hi there, anything I can help you find?”

Thank god, Alex thought.  He doesn’t remember me at all. 

“Well, I came in looking for some interesting decorations for my apartment,” Alex said.  He didn’t want to get led back to Zim’s display of Viking memorabilia.  “I like this little statue; how much do you want for it?”

Alex pointed to show Zim which statue he meant.

Zim took a look at it, and frowned, thinking.  “You want that statue right there?  Shoot, I didn’t think anyone would want it.”

Sweet, Alex thought.  This is going to be a piece of cake.

“But then, you know,” Zim continued.  “There was some peckerhead in here yesterday that wanted it too.  Seems like it must be a hot ticket.”

Alex’s stomach dropped.  Was Zim just messing with him, or did he really not remember Alex? 

Alex decided the best thing to do would be to do his best to seem oblivious to what Zim was talking about.

“The guy yesterday didn’t buy it?”  Alex said.

“Nah, he was just a time-waster,” Trader Zim said.  “Then there was another asshole right after him that wanted it too.  Don’t know why he was taken with it, but he said it would fit his collection.”

Is this guy for real? Alex wondered, then remembered some of the other oddballs he’d met since he’d started working for Mr. Darcy.  In comparison, Zim wasn’t all that weird.

“Wow.  So the other guy didn’t buy it either? Lucky me, I guess,” Alex said.

“Nope, not sure what his deal was either.  Probably just simple-minded,” Trader Zim said.

Alex plastered a fake smile on his face, and said, “Must have been.”

Trying to get Trader Zim back on course, Alex said, “So, how much would you want for something like this?”

Zim took off his bowler hat, scratched at the side of his head, and put his hat back on.

“Well,” he said, “Let me think about it for a minute.”

Alex waited patiently for several minutes as Trader Zim stood and stared blankly at the statue.  After a few more minutes, Zim blinked a few times, and looked back at Alex.

“Gosh, I’m sorry.  I guess I got lost in thought there.  Is there something I can help you with?” Trader Zim said.

He has to be screwing with me, Alex thought.

As politely as he could manage, Alex said, “I’d like to buy this statue.  How much would you like for it?”

Trader Zim looked back and forth between Alex and the statue several times.  Then he said, “This thing?  What on Earth do you want it for?”

I’m not sure how much more of this I can take, Alex thought.  What he said was, “I think it’ll look nice in my apartment.”

“Jeez, your apartment must be some kind of mess if this thing is going to make it nicer in there,” Trader Zim said.

He continued, “Anyway, that one’s not for sale.  It’s a part of the Trader Zim Permanent Collection, you know.”

“Now, come on,” Alex said.  “I love this little statue.  Name your price, I want to buy it.”

“Which statue?” Trader Zim said.

Alex pointed directly at it.

“This one.  How much?  I’d like to buy it,” he said.

There’s no way this guy is for real, Alex thought.  I don’t know what game he’s playing, but this is just too ludicrous.  Why is he wasting my time rather than just telling me to leave like he did yesterday?

“Oh, that one,” Trader Zim said.  “Sorry bud, it’s not for sale.  Not sure why I put it out here to be honest.  I should really put it away, though I’ll be darned if I know where.  You know, I’ve got some other cool little decorations you might be interested in.  Come with me, I’ll show you.”

He turned and started to walk away.

“I’d like to buy this statue, please,” Alex said. “If you don’t want money, is there something else you’d want to take in trade?”

Trader Zim turned back to face Alex.  It was hard to tell what it was, exactly, but he suddenly seemed a lot more intense than he had been seconds before.

“I beg your pardon?” Zim said.

“I asked if there is something else you might like in trade for this statue,” Alex said.  “I’d really like it.”

“What are you trying to get at?” Trader Zim said.  He seemed to have taken offense, but Alex had no idea what could have caused it.

“Huh?” Alex said. 

“You heard me.  What kind of person do you think I am, anyway?” Trader Zim said.

“Huh?” Alex said.  “Look, I just want to buy this statue and leave.”

“That’s not what you said a minute ago.  You made some kind of comment about trade…” Trader Zim said.

“Well, yeah, I thought you might be willing to barter for the statue,” Alex said.  “I mean, your name is Trader Zim.”

Trader Zim’s right eye started to twitch, and it seemed to Alex that Zim had gone from zero to high piss off in no time flat.

“I don’t know who you think you are, but if you’re just going to stand here and insult me, then I think you’d better get the fuck out of my store, pal,” Trader Zim said.

“Insult you?  I just want to….” Alex started.

“Get out!” Trader Zim said.

“…Buy this statue,” Alex finished.

“Out out out!  That statue ain’t for sale, and if it was, I wouldn’t sell it to some jerk ass who comes in here and starts insulting me in my own shop.  Take a hike, dude,” Trader Zim said.

“Look, I think we’ve just had a misunderstanding,” Alex said.

He was completely taken by surprise when Trader Zim reached behind his back and produced a black revolver, which he immediately pointed at Alex. 

The revolver looked as though it was from the days of stagecoaches and cowboys, but Alex wasn’t interested in finding out the hard way if it still worked.

“Understand this,” Trader Zim said, “Get the fuck out of my shop.  I’ve got nothing to sell you.  Is that clear?”

“Clear as day,” Alex said.  “I’ll just get going then.  Lot’s to do today.”

He clambered past the pointy rusty bits as quickly as he could manage, and hurried out of the shop.  Trader Zim followed behind, and called out the door as Alex hustled back to the Mustang, “And don’t come back!”

He slammed the shop’s door behind him, and a couple of moments later hung a new sign on the door.

“So closed!” it said.

In the Mustang, Alex tried to figure out what the hell had just happened.  Who would have thought offering to trade for something could offend a shopkeeper?  He wondered again if Trader Zim was for real, or if he had just been messing with him.

Alex started the engine, and turned up the stereo in order to try and get his brain to quiet down a bit.  By this time in his career, Alex had found himself standing on the wrong side of a gun more than once, but he found it wasn’t something that he was able to just shake off as if nothing had happened, and the adrenaline made it hard for him to drive at all reasonably.

He took a deep breath, and said to himself, “Well, time for plan B.”