Chapter Twenty Two Rocks and Rolls

Thursday, June Sixteenth, After the delayed Lunchtime Feast, but still before Tea Time, Walli-Wo island time

After lunch, King Lemmy had gestured to Alex and got up from the table.  Alex and Bruce got up with him, and followed him out of the great hall.  The three of them walked briskly towards whatever it was that King Lemmy wanted to show them.  Abruptly, King Lemmy stopped, and turned to Alex and Bruce.

“Mr. Evans, please forgive me, but I wish to speak with Mr. Minor alone,” King Lemmy said.

Bruce’s eyebrows shot up, and he stammered a bit before he said, “OK, no problem.  I’ll go work on plotting our course for our flight back home.”

“Oh, I hope you don’t have to leave Walli-Wo yet,” King Lemmy said.  “But thank you.”

Bruce wandered off in the direction of the house they were staying in.

Alex had remained silent through all of this, but he was even more curious about what King Lemmy wanted to show him, since Bruce was apparently not welcome to see it with him.

“Forgive me for being secretive,” King Lemmy said to Alex.  “Come this way, please.”

He led Alex to his own home, the one place on the island they hadn’t been yet.  It was, by all means, the nicest home on the island, but it wasn’t vastly more impressive than any of the other homes.  Alex wondered if they’d had the same architect design all of the buildings on Walli-Wo.  (They had.)

When they reached King Lemmy’s house, the front door was opened from inside.  King Lemmy and Alex entered, and Alex turned to see who had opened the door.  He was shocked to see it was Harry.

“How did you get here so quickly?” Alex said.

“I am a butler, Mr. Minor,” Harry said.

“Hmm,” Alex said.  “The other butler I knew was able to do all kinds of things without being noticed too.  Is there some kind of butler school where they teach you guys how to do impossible things?”

“Ah, Mr. Minor,” Harry said, “If I told you, I’d have to kill you.”

Alex laughed.

King Lemmy cleared his throat, and said, “Mr. Minor, come with me, please.”

“Oh, sorry, King Lemmy,” Alex said.  He followed behind as King Lemmy led the way through his house.

King Lemmy’s home was nicely furnished but, again, it wasn’t the opulent temple to King Lemmy’s ego that Alex had expected of a king.  There were a few photos of King Lemmy with other notable world leaders, but nothing was more ostentatious than the decorations in the other buildings on Walli-Wo.

Alex was impressed with King Lemmy’s restraint.

One thing King Lemmy’s house had that Alex hadn’t noticed anywhere else on the island was an inner courtyard. 

King Lemmy slid open a glass door, and led Alex out into the courtyard.  It was maybe forty feet square, maximum.  There were a few chairs gathered in a conversational grouping, and a variety of nicely displayed potted plants.

There was also a collection of statues like the one Alex had recovered.  Alex noticed the one that he’d brought to Walli-Wo was now displayed between two other statues of similar size and design, although it was clear that there was a significant age difference between them.

“Mr. Minor,” King Lemmy said, and gestured towards the statues, “I would like you to meet my ancestors.”

Then, gesturing towards Alex, he said to the statues, “I would like you to meet Mr. Minor, one of Walli-Wo’s great heroes, and my good friend.”

Alex was simultaneously very, very touched, and entirely baffled.  It was clear that King Lemmy expected Alex to say something, however.

Alex bowed slightly, and said, “It’s an honor to meet you,” to the statues.  He felt completely ridiculous, but it clearly pleased King Lemmy.

“You see, Mr. Minor, we create new homes in these statues for our elders when they pass, so that their spirits may return and keep watch over us,” King Lemmy said.

“So, the statue I returned…” Alex began,

“Is the home for my Great Great Grandfather,” King Lemmy said.

“And these other statues?” Alex said.

King Lemmy gestured reverently towards each statue, and told Alex who it belonged to.  “My father, my mother, my grandfather,” and so on through twenty generations.

“Wow,” Alex said. 

“One day,” King Lemmy said, “I shall join them and watch over my descendants and protect them as well.  But for now, it is my duty to watch over my ancestors as well as my own family.”

There was something very comforting about the idea, Alex had to admit to himself.

“That’s wonderful,” Alex said.  “I’ve wondered if my grandparents have been watching over me, but I can’t easily just go visit them.”

King Lemmy looked proud, and nodded in agreement.  Then he said, “I am sure that your grandparents are indeed watching over you, even now.  But perhaps you should build a home for them so they can visit you.”

Alex considered King Lemmy’s advice for a moment, but was distracted by a sudden uproar from inside King Lemmy’s house.

“Excuse me!  Excuse me!” Harry said, his voice getting louder and more annoyed with each repetition.

Alex and King Lemmy were both surprised when the sliding door opened, and the sailors all spilled into the courtyard along with them.

“Oh, wow!” Tammy said.  “This is just adorable!  Sugar Buns, isn’t this fantastic?”

“Yes, it’s very nice!  We should do something like this when we get back,” Jim said.

“Excuse me,” Harry said, using another secret skill of butlers: conveying the full magnitude of the faux pas just committed by whomever was being addressed with only the slightest change in inflection.  Alex had heard Harold do it a million times.

“Excuse me,” Harry said, again, “King Lemmy, I do apologize…”

King Lemmy interrupted him, “Harry, there is nothing to apologize for.  I see that our guests have lost their way.  Forgive me, but this is my private home, and is closed to our visitors.”

“Yeah but you let him in here,” Anne said, pointing at Alex.

King Lemmy didn’t seem to notice Anne’s rude behavior, and said simply, “I invited Mr. Minor to come in with me.”

Harry clapped his hands twice, and said, “This way, please.  Let me show you to the guest quarters we have here on Walli-Wo.  They are modest, but very clean and hospitable, I assure you.”

The sailors followed Harry out, chattering noisily among themselves again.

King Lemmy glanced at Alex, and rolled his eyes.  The two of them burst out in laughter simultaneously.

“How were you able to handle that so gracefully?” Alex asked King Lemmy once they had settled down again.

King Lemmy said, “Come and sit, I will tell you.”

He led Alex over to the chairs, and gestured for Alex to sit.  King Lemmy sat down in the chair next to Alex and leaned over towards him.

“When people behave like that, I reflect on how I have behaved myself in the past, and then I try to think of how I would want to be treated if I were in their place and it were me being a complete fucktard,” King Lemmy said, and dropped a wink.

It took a moment for what King Lemmy had just said to sink in for Alex.  Once it had, however, Alex doubled over laughing.  Shortly after, King Lemmy joined in laughing with him.

I like this guy, Alex thought.  He might be delusional, but at least he includes everybody equally in his delusions.

Which reminded Alex of something he’d been curious about.

“King Lemmy, may I ask you a question?” Alex said.

“You may ask me anything you like,” King Lemmy said.

“On your business card, it says you’re the first astronaut on Walli-Wo to walk on the moon,” Alex said.

“Yes,” King Lemmy said.

“Really?” Alex said.

“Of course,” King Lemmy said.  He paused a moment, and then said, “Ah, I see.  You are puzzled because I haven’t done it yet.  That is just a matter of details.  You see, first we have to finish building our rocket.  Then I will be the first astronaut on Walli-Wo to walk on the moon.”

Alex had to admit that there was a certain kind of crazy logic to that.

“How far has the rocket come along?” Alex said.

“Ah! We are getting to the final design phases,” King Lemmy said, clearly very excited to talk about a pet project.  “You recall meeting Sven?”

Alex was pretty sure Sven was the flat-pack furniture guy.  “Yes, I think so,” Alex said.

“Well, Sven is also Walli-Wo’s greatest rocket scientist, and my good friend,” King Lemmy said.  “He has a brilliant plan for a modular rocket built with standardized components.  I will show you the conceptual drawings later.”

“Cool, I can’t wait to see them,” Alex said.  He was starting to have a strange feeling.  It seemed like King Lemmy was really opening up to him.  Was King Lemmy was just always so open with everyone, or had he taken a special shine to Alex?

King Lemmy said, “Mr. Minor, there is something else I wanted to talk to you about.”

Ah ha, Alex thought. 

“I saw you looking at one of the young women in the great hall during lunch,” King Lemmy said.  “It looked to me like she had been admiring you as well.”

That’s not what I was expecting him to say, Alex thought. 

 “Really?” Alex said.

“Did you admire her as well?” King Lemmy said.

Red lights started flashing in Alex’s mind, and somewhere in there an air raid siren started, too.

That question has a right answer and a very, very wrong answer, Alex thought. And I have no idea which one is the right one.

 Saying no could be equivalent to insulting the women of Walli-Wo.  On the other hand, saying yes might be setting Alex up for a “keep your hands off of my woman” confrontation.

After a couple of seconds’ consideration, Alex decided that “yes,” was the correct answer.  If it turned out to be the wrong answer, he was fairly sure he could talk his way out of it.  Barring that, Bruce had an airplane they could use to get away, if needed.

“Well,” Alex said, thinking of the woman in the red dress, “yes.”

King Lemmy smiled, and said, “Good, I am glad you said that.”

Alex ventured a hopeful smile.

“She is my daughter, and I wish for you to marry her and become my heir,” King Lemmy said.

“Wait, what?” Alex said.