Chapter Twenty Three Is Good For You (And Good for Me)!

Thursday, June Sixteenth, Thirty minutes or so before the evening feast, Walli-Wo island time

Alex was back in his room.  At the moment, he was pacing around the room, trying to wrap his brain around the events of the day.  How had he gone from falling out of a small airplane while wearing a bunny suit to having faced down a possible naval attack (which might have been preferable to what they got instead, three boats full of tacky assholes) to meeting all of King Lemmy’s ancestors, to having King Lemmy tell him that he ought to marry his daughter and eventually become King of Walli-Wo himself.

And it wasn’t even dinner time yet.

Speaking of, Alex was still full from the last four meals he’d eaten that day.  He noticed the spread of snacks that had been left in his room for him had been refreshed at some point during the afternoon as well. 

Alex knew himself well enough to realize that agreeing to stay on Walli-Wo would be pretty much the worst possible thing he could do.  For one thing, he was pretty sure he was not made of king material.  For another thing, he was certain he would make a terrible husband.  And to top it all off, he was one hundred percent positive that spending the rest of his life on an island where he’d walked the entire island and met all of its inhabitants (entirely wonderful as they were) before lunch simply wouldn’t work.  He’d be bored to the point of doing some really stupid things before the first week had passed.

The challenge was, of course, how to tell King Lemmy that he wasn’t going to be able to marry his daughter.  He kind of suspected that King Lemmy wasn’t the sort to take no for an answer.

He and Bruce were going to need to be ready to split, as soon as possible.

Alex left his own room, and knocked on Bruce’s door.

Bruce opened the door.  He was looking pretty green.

“Hey Bruce, are you feeling OK?” Alex said.

“Do you remember those commercials where there’d be a pile of dirty dishes and some sad sack sitting there, saying I can’t believe I ate the whole thing, Mr. Minor?” Bruce said.

“Yeah, I remember those.  Was it for Pepto Bismol?” Alex said.

“I think it was Alka Seltzer,” Bruce said. “Anyway, at the moment I’m feeling like that sad sack.”

“I can relate, Bruce,” Alex said.  “I don’t know how we’re supposed to eat again tonight.”

Bruce seemed to turn a little more green.

“I’ve been trying not to think about it,” Bruce said.

“Got it,” Alex said.  “Sorry about the abrupt topic change, but what’s it going to take for us to get off of this island?”

Bruce looked at Alex like Alex had asked him to get up and help him move a piano, just after he’d fallen down a few flights of stairs.

“Are we in a bit of a rush, Mr. Minor?” Bruce said.

“Yes,” Alex said.  “We are.”

“Well, I hate to be the one to tell you this, but our new sailor friends weren’t kidding about getting away from the weather.  Though, King Lemmy was right about them having been safer staying out at sea rather than trying to outrun the weather and reach land.  The weather reports indicate that this is a nice big storm.  We aren’t going to be able to even think about flying in the Cessna for several days,” Bruce said.

“Can we fly in a different direction, away from the storm?” Alex said.

“Not without completely screwing ourselves over when it comes to flying home again.  There is a certain point at which we’d have no choice but to fly over some pretty unpleasant places in order to get back to the United States,” Bruce said.

“OK, but if we’re flying over them, what’s the problem?” Alex said.

“The problem is that some of those places like shooting at foreign planes, and in case you forgot, we’ll be in a flying gas can.  The other problem is that some places really don’t like it when foreign planes land there.  And, should things go to hell, there are some places where we just probably wouldn’t survive an unexpected landing, even if the landing itself was textbook perfect.  Are you following me?” Bruce said.

Alex grimaced, and said, “Shit.”

“Why are you in such a rush to leave, anyway?” Bruce said.  “We’ve got nice accommodations and overwhelmingly gracious hosts.  They seem to have taken a particular shine to you, as well.”

“Yeah,” Alex said. “That’s kind of the problem.  The thing King Lemmy wanted to talk to me about earlier?  He wants me to marry his daughter.”

Bruce started laughing.

“It’s not really that funny, Bruce,” Alex said.

He was startled then, when Harry said from just behind him, “It is time for the evening feast, gentlemen.  Please come with me.”

Alex and Bruce both gave each other an uncomfortable look, and followed behind Harry.

The evening air was cool, but still comfortable, as they walked to the great hall for the evening feast.  There was a small commotion nearby.  Before long, the crews of the three sailboats wandered over and joined Alex, Bruce and Harry on their way to the great hall.

“This island is just fantastic!” Tammy said.  “It has all the amenities anyone could wish for.  I can’t wait to tell everyone I know about it!”

Alex wasn’t sure, but he thought he saw Harry start to blanch at the mere suggestion.

King Lemmy and the rest of the islanders were already in the great hall, and a great round of applause and cheering went up when Alex and Bruce walked in to the room.  Their applause diminished somewhat, but still continued, as the sailors filed in behind them.

In the great hall, there was an enormous fire roaring in the fireplace, and various festive lights all around the room, including blinky Christmas lights and paper lanterns with candles in them.

King Lemmy spread his arms wide, and called out, “Welcome, honored guests and heroes!”

The islanders started to applaud and cheer again.

“Tonight we feast in honor of the courage of my good friends Alex and Bruce, and to celebrate the return of my great great grandfather to Walli-Wo!” King Lemmy continued, igniting a fresh round of applause.  Alex noticed the woman in the red dress was smiling widely at him as she applauded.

Jeez, I haven’t even talked to her yet, and I’m supposed to marry her?  What if she finds out she can’t stand me? Alex thought.  However, he smiled and looked around the room at the islanders, trying to convey his appreciation for their applause.

He and Bruce took their seats next to King Lemmy, and the sailors squeezed themselves in wherever there was space around the rest of the room.  Harry vanished, just as he had at the previous meals, appearing randomly to provide refills of anything that seemed to be getting low.

Enormous plates heaped with meat and bread were placed in front of Alex and Bruce.  The two of them forced identical smiles, and did their best to cram more food into themselves.  On the upside, they were also given glasses full of some kind of fantastic, sweet, fruity drink that had the very slightest taste of alcohol in it.

Although he wasn’t very hungry, Alex was powerfully thirsty, and he made short work of his first glass of whatever it was without realizing it.  Naturally, another drink was immediately provided for him.  Bruce was drinking somewhat slower than Alex, but had also started working on his second drink before long.

King Lemmy made pleasant conversation with Alex and Bruce about nothing much of importance.  That was a good thing, because Alex had just found himself with a second empty glass, which was promptly replaced with another full glass.  He had just picked up the fresh glass to take a sip when he realized that whatever these drinks were, they were potent.  He had started to feel a little bit of fuzziness in his head, and then his fingertips went a bit numb and then realized he was on a fast slide downhill into sloshy drunkenness.

One of his last coherent thoughts before the drink completely overtook him was, don’t go and get married tonight.

He glanced over at Bruce and realized that Bruce seemed to be just as tuned up as he was.

Bruce leaned over to Alex and said, directly into his ear, “Man, I hope we don’t both wake up in bunny suits tomorrow.”

Alex nodded his agreement.  The feast seemed to be getting pretty rowdy, with lots of yelling and laughing.  Every now and then, they’d hear one of the sailors exclaim something like, “Have you tasted this?  It’s amaaaaaaaaazing!”

Somewhere in the room, drumming started, and shortly after that, a group of men and women in what Alex assumed was traditional Wall-Wo garb came into the hall and began dancing.  Alex found himself transfixed by the swaying hips of the female dancers.  He caught himself, and hoped that he hadn’t spent long enough drunkenly ogling them that anyone else noticed.

Alex’s glance happened to fall on King Lemmy’s daughter, who was seated nearby.  She was looking directly at him, and giving him a sly smile.  She’d clearly caught him, and she was clearly amused with him.  He was pretty sure he saw a little spark of mischief in her eyes, as well.

You know, I could do worse than to marry her, Alex thought.

His train of thought on the matter was interrupted, however, by some unexpected movement he spotted out of the corner of his eye.  Harry had his hands cupped around his mouth, and was speaking directly into King Lemmy’s ear.

“WHAT?” King Lemmy roared.

The drumming and dancing came to a crashing halt, and silence fell over the room.

“What’s going on?  Is this part of the show?” One of the sailors (Alex seemed to remember her name was Laurel) said.

Enunciating as carefully as he could, Alex said, “What’s wrong, King Lemmy?”

King Lemmy’s mouth was set firmly, and he had closed his eyes, apparently composing himself.

“This is,” King Lemmy said.  “This is difficult for me to even believe.  Today, on the very day he was returned to Walli-Wo, on the very day he was reunited with the many generations of my family…”

King Lemmy paused and took a deep breath.

“What is it?” Alex asked, gently.  He’d barely known King Lemmy for a day, and didn’t think right now would be a good time to find out that he was prone to lashing out at whoever asked the question he didn’t want to answer.

“My great great grandfather has gone missing again.  Someone has kidnapped him!” King Lemmy said, and covered his face.

[If you're reading this on Thursday, Happy Thanksgiving!  And, thank you so much for reading this year's novel.  I'm so glad you're out there!  Knowing you're reading along keeps me going.]